Excerpt from my novel in progress - "Whisked Away"

"Whisked Away" is my current novel in progress. It's still a ways from publishing, but I'd love to get some feedback.

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The novel genre is a faith, romance/suspense novel, set in two time different time periods with interweaving journeys of faith, suffering, and love.

Please enjoy this excerpt from the first chapter:

Mangroves along the Deception Bay boardwalk

Life is unstoppable. Louisa thought bemusedly; shaking her head as she contemplated the scene before her. Silhouetted roots of the large mangrove tree toppled by last evening’s storm, reached up like clawing hands from its watery grave, while simultaneously the tree’s branches, already losing their vitality, gently released sprouting pods into the small waves lapping forward on the turning tide. Eager to begin their journeys the pods bobbed, floated, and then jiggled as young fish jostled them in hope of an easy meal. A shifting breeze lifted the pungent smell of beached seaweed, dispersing it into the crisp storm-freshened morning air. Louisa flinched both from the assault on her acute senses, and from the unfettered childhood memories that flooded in.                                                                         

Keep moving forward Louisa. You can’t stay here all-day dwelling on the past, she chided herself. You have to finish your presentation for the seminar next week and there’s lots to do for this afternoon’s engagement party. 

Momentarily she paused, unconsciously fiddling with the substantial diamond ring on her finger.

It doesn’t feel real yet, she noted. It’s like it’s a dream and I will wake up any moment.

She’d had a similar uncomfortable niggle earlier this week but pushed it aside.

Why do I feel that something is not quite right?

Her mother’s voice joined in her internal conversation uninvited, chastising her for having any doubts about her current choices.

“Stop it, Louisa. This is what you have been waiting for all your life. Jarrod is the perfect man. Good looking, well to do, and connected in all the right places.”

Noticing her troublesome thoughts as though she was observing two people arguing, she shook her head to dispel them and consciously latched onto the brief outline of her day’s plan.

Engagement party and presentation. Stay on track. Focus and breathe…

Adjusting her stride to a comfortable pace along the path she took in the unfurling morning — sunlight beamed across the broad expanse of the bay, cutting the dark water like a glistening dagger. The concrete path snaked around the base of a giant gum and skirted under flowering paperbarks, magnificent in their structure. The cream of their bark just catching the first glow of morning light. A myriad lorikeets screeched above, her presence intruding on their frenzied feasting, provoking chaotic short bursts of flight within their horde. A warm, wet splash hit her shoulder.

“Oh, gross, not again”. Exasperated, she reached for the tissue in her form-fitting running tights, thankful she’d thought ahead. Tossing the tissue in a conveniently placed park bin, she picked up her pace, feeling the rhythm of her pounding feet shake the wooden-decking path that she’d reached.

“Good morning” she said instinctively with a slight nod of her head as she passed an elderly man walking his Rottweiler. Inwardly, she was thankful for the thick leash in his hand, but was not entirely confident that his strength was enough to hold back the fifty plus kilos of muscle and teeth attached to it.

Her mind flashed back to her eight-year-old self’s feet, barely touching the ground in her flight to get home before the stray dog caught her. She noticed her heart pounding and felt the adrenaline rush of a flashback.

It’s okay, you’re safe. Breathe Louisa, breathe.

Her smartwatch beeped to register the increase in her heart rate. She felt a sudden urge to sprint and one hundred metres on she noted her time was ahead of her best.

Note to self, she thought. How to utilise fear for performance enhancement… duh, eyes rolling.

Not new!  Her mind rapidly ran through a short list: army, CEO’s, sports coaches.

Breathing out to clear her head, she focussed on the track ahead, trying to stay present.

Just enjoy the moment and breathe Louisa…

Noticing the musical accompaniment of the local birds and insects she focussed on hearing each one. The warble of magpies, and the chirruping of a Willy Wagtail intent on drawing her attention to himself with his active dancing and exuberant noise, alongside a chorus of cicadas, and the staccato beat of the crickets. It was strangely calming. Louisa relaxed again into the rhythm of the morning — her favourite time of the day.

The path turned yet again to timber as it rounded the base of the cliff, her footfall bending the boards. This intriguing part of the path drew her like a moth to light. She slowed her speed to peer over the edge, noticing the sway of the rail as she stopped and leant against it.

Whew, it’s really showing its age! she thought nervously, as her stomach lurched at the anticipated fall.

It’s good that there’s water there, not rocks!

Rich jasmine perfume wafted from the prolific vine covering the towering rock wall beside her and she inhaled deeply, thankful for the pleasant aroma. Smiling, she turned and continued. Rounding the sloping path and slowing, she paused, leaning against the rail, to examine the carved-out shape of the saltwater bath, adjacent to and below the timber walkway.

She estimated that her one-seventy-five-centimetre frame would just fit — maybe a little snuggly. It was intriguing to consider the love and devotion that had gone into building it so many years ago.

Mesmerised she watched as salt water flowed back over the upper edge of the bath and pushed forward further on the incoming tide, and unexpectedly, formed a vortex.

That’s curious, she thought. I haven’t seen the water do that before. It looks like a large bath plug hole. Maybe there’s a hole wearing in the base.

The concept that the tidal movement would wear away the formation over time, was a little disappointing.

Such a pity, it’s like a permanent echo of love from the past as it is.

What would it be like to have someone to love you with such deep devotion and care?

Surprisingly her heart ached palpably with longing as she thought on this. Her short history of dating before meeting Jarrod, had not uncovered anyone who seemed remotely capable of what she longed for. The young men of her age group, of those whom she had spent time with anyway, seemed so immature, and hey, they were already in love — either with their cars, gaming, or themselves. Her cynicism was beginning to be a little too familiar to her.

What was it that Dad had said?

“Don’t look for someone who is mature like a parent already, find someone you enjoy being with and spend a lifetime maturing together.”

Cynicism sprang quickly to the fore again with a challenging retort. Fat lot of good that advice is, surely there would have to be a baseline of some adulthood in them. She chuckled as she recalled the term thrown around at Cassy's hen’s party recently, a ‘man child’. 

This time Louisa pulled herself up.

This thought-train is going nowhere. You’re beginning to sound like a man-hater, and you do not want to be that. Besides you have already found the perfect man. He is almost too good to be true.

Her mind flashed back to just three months ago. An image of her sitting on the floor sobbing and bemoaning the fact that she was already twenty-three and no closer to finding someone to love or share her life with. The image was not her best moment and one that she not only wanted to forget, but she burned with shame that her close friend Ella — who she considered the needy one in the friendship, was the one to pick her up off the floor and dust her off.

Ella had shown her wonderful empathy; she was facing the same dilemma and could understand Louisa’s concern. At least they had been able to cry on each other’s shoulders, but Louisa was not comfortable in having her “got it together” persona tarnished. Her mask had slipped, and the experience felt too close to the disconcerting thought she’d been pushing away recently. That she was not all that she portrayed to those around her.

What is happening to me? I’m no different to the other girls in the group — those over whom she had quietly prided herself as being ‘more together’.

Stop it Louisa, pull yourself together.

Consciously directing her thoughts, she started musing about the mysterious clay flagon she had found stuck in the mud on her run last week. The contents were unknown, and it looked like it could be antique. The local museum had been thrilled to examine it, and they felt that it could be a genuine historical piece.

I wonder what it actually is. I should find out today…

Without warning her breath was taken away as a sharp burning tore at her upper arm. Her phone snapped from the band as the blade sliced through it. The weight of a man’s shoulder torpedoed into her side, her ribcage bearing the brunt of the timber rail; her balance stolen as though from a full-force, front-row tackle. She toppled face forward, her feet lifting from the walkway and gravity propelled her downwards to the water in the momentum of a spear-tackle.

The dull thud, as her head hit the edge of the bath, and the exploding searing light and pain, were momentary as she succumbed to the darkness.

At that very moment a rapidly-moving approaching cyclist, a young man named Joel, saw what happened and braked his bike to a halt mid-flight, causing his rear wheel to fishtail and marking a dark snake on the timber planks. Unfortunately momentum drove him forward and he flew from his seat over the handle-bars, landing hard on the deck. Momentarily stunned as his helmeted head hit against a post and rebounded, his body slid along the decking. Rising with difficulty he took a moment to orient himself as he stood to his feet, and then remembering why he stopped, rushed to where he had seen Louisa fall. A surge of adrenalin overrode any thought of danger as Joel clambered agilely over the railing, jumping into the tea-coloured water where he quickly but tenderly, lifted her head and torso out of the water; being careful to support her head and neck to prevent any further injury.

The bath-wall offered her some protection from the tidal motion for the time being. Using voice command, he dialled triple-zero on the phone attached to his upper arm, and thankfully above the water level. Both ambulance and police were dispatched immediately, to his relief. Joel's thoughts raced rapidly, and his heart pounded as he waited.

I wonder who she is? I think I would have noticed someone like her on my rides.

Wait, I wouldn't normally be here as this time... If I hadn’t had a flat tyre this morning I wouldn’t have been here.

Repeating the thought over, as realisation slowly dawned, he was thankful for that delay to his regular time. Looking around the area, he saw no other person.

Wow, if I hadn’t been here, she would have drowned!

An odd sense that he was meant to be here rose within him. His heartbeat seemed to settle, and a sense of calm filled him.

He could see that she was breathing, albeit irregularly, and her face looked at peace as though she was in deep sleep. He noted that her eyes although closed, were moving, like someone in a REM cycle of sleep.

“Hey, can you hear me? Can you tell me your name?”

There was no response to his voice during the fifteen-minute wait, and as other people arrived, curious about her welfare, she remained still and unresponsive.

Fifteen minutes of tide turn, brought small waves that surged around them. Joel knew that the water strength was becoming problematic as the impact of his own fall, was causing him to ache and feel lightheaded. Making a decision to move Louisa, Joel lifted her and gingerly walked the distance between the bath and a place that he could safely carry her out of the water, beyond the elevated path above him, about a twenty-five metre distance. Carrying her dead weight and fighting the incoming waves while wading through sludgy mud severely tested his strength. Onlookers assisted, as he attempted the slippery accent onto the grass beside the pathway and helped him to lay her prone body onto the ground. Shivering from shock and the cold of the water, Joel collapsed on the ground near where Louisa lay.

Louisa continued unresponsive when the paramedics finally arrived, after what felt like eternity for Joel. Her initial vitals check showed that her pupils did not respond to light, but there were reflex and pain responses in her limbs.

The young paramedic charting her care, wrote Joel’s name and number on the chart after asking him his details.

“You never know. He’s done his best to save you and perhaps you, or your family, may want to thank him in time.” she mused audibly to Louisa.

As Louisa was being loaded into the ambulance destined for transport to the hospital, Joel stumbled as he attempted to get up, and then unexpectedly purged his stomach. Bleary eyed he tried to make his way to his cycle still lying on the walkway, but fell to the ground short of his target. The police officer, who was heading his way to get details of the incident, rushed over quickly to assist, and immediately radioed in for another ambulance.

Seeing the young man collapse, the paramedic driving the attending rig came across to check on him. The officer had already turned him on his side and had checked that his airways were clear, but Joel was unresponsive. Noting swelling on the side of his face and grazes on his left arm and leg, the ambo made the observation that perhaps he had knocked his head and was suffering a concussion. He pointed out the bicycle nearby and the tyre marks leading to where it lay.

“There seems to have been an accident of some sort.”

“Yeah, I think that you are right. I’ll stay here with him and you get the young woman to the hospital,” stated the officer, “I’ve called for another ambulance, and they’ve said they should be here in…uh, about five minutes now.”

Satisfied that the young man was in good hands, he climbed into the cabin of the unit carrying Louisa and pulled away just as the second rig pulled up.

“This has been an unusual morning.” the police officer said. “It’ll be interesting to find out what went on.”